My wife is black and so am I. In the midst of dating we confessed we were not sure we would marry a black person. We both had our reasons for why we thought so. My reason, I was acculturated. I had paradigms of beauty that I didn't know existed. Let me explain.
As the summer nears, wedding season is upon us. I find myself getting invited to far less weddings then some of my white friends. There are a myriad of factors that contribute to being invited to a wedding, but I cannot shake what I see, at an anecdotal level. My black friends are not getting married. Beautiful black women and thoughtful black men wander for companionship, looking but not finding. Love is difficult to find, if one believes in the sort of thing. The disparities in marriage seem innocuous enough. It is easy to justify the negative trend in marriage due to divorce rates, and millennials deviation from the idyllic life of their parents. If I think more deeply, my sample size is focused within a Christian context. My Christian context is de facto multi-cultural, but operates within white norms. These norms create obvious problems. The virtue and ethos of the alluring white woman, meek and demure, is the embodiment of Madonna, Saint Mary. No matter how far back we go, all forms of Western Christianity retain some of their Catholic mindsets, no matter the disguise they wear. My Christian context, and perhaps yours, typifies a woman of God that is exclusive to a created culture, white. I watch black men, God-fearing black men, look towards golden hair. When we nuance the cultural practices of Southern White Christian women, we can observe girls being trained to orient their success and identity on securing a husband. These are God-honoring women whose culture (Southern Christian) has oriented them towards finding a husband, from the time they were girls. My brothers, high off feeling like a prize in a world which considers them trash, find security and value in porcelain arms at an alarming rate. This is not just a reconciling of America but a further exercise of upholding and believing in a white standard.
One of the reasons I did not think I would be able to marry a black wife was because I did not want to be “unequally yoked.” The yoke is a tool used to pair two of the same animals together. The two animals work side by side, typically to pull a plow. The term "unequal yoke" is a metaphor for being paired with someone who has a different level of perceived commitment to God. The usage of this phrase is typically reserved for romantic relationships which one person seems more devout than the other. This practice was frowned upon and denounced, in my context. It was thought to be unwise or foolish.
Unfortunately, due to the Christian context I was in, spiritual maturity hinged on observed behaviors. If I saw a woman demonstrating Godly behaviors then she was deemed to be a woman of God. If the behaviors were not demonstrated openly then the woman was not as committed to God. This was never explicitly stated but frequently implied. This seems like conventional wisdom but what makes it conventional is the normalization of cultural norms. The ideas of what makes a woman Godly are biblically based but culturally interpreted. If a woman does not fit the cultural interpretation of Godliness, then she is not. Perception is taught as reality which influences the decisions made by the men and women of the church. Among ethnicities, standards of Godliness will and should look different. But this misperception, driven by white ideals, creates caricatures of piety which disproportionately advantages white Christian women.
The overarching white perceptions of holiness combined with White women's cultural upbringing create a veil of majesty that other races cannot hope to penetrate unless they assimilate into models of whiteness.
This is not intended to be a criticism of white women. However, I am criticizing the clear cultural bias which has attempted, successfully, to enmesh itself in a bi-millennial Jewish religion. The literal whitewashing of Biblical figures in stained glass, tapestries, and paintings are a celebration of the white race. Only those with matching skin get to fully participate. So I question interracial marriages, I question interracial adoptions,I question my own beliefs of beauty and faith, because I know my perception is off
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